Better allyship starts here. Each week, Karen Catlin shares five simple actions to create a workplace where everyone can thrive.♦1. Let them/Let meI recently read Mel Robbins’ book The Let Them Theory. In a nutshell, it’s a framework to help you detach from what you can’t control and instead focus on managing your own reactions and well-being. She recommends two simple but powerful phrases: Let them act that way, followed by Let me do this.
And I’ve started applying the Let Them Theory to making workplaces better.
For example, when Charlsie Niemiec posted on LinkedIn about what happened when she pushed back against a racist marketing campaign, I immediately thought:
Let them laugh at a marketing campaign that perpetuates negative stereotypes. Let me say, “I can’t be the only one finding this offensive and inappropriate, right?”
Here are a few more:
Let them make that disparaging joke. Let me say “We don’t do that here” to reinforce a more inclusive culture.
Let them refer to a woman physician by her first name while calling her male colleague “Doctor” followed by his last name. Let me call her “Doctor” last name.
Let them interrupt a speaker and ask an off-topic question, which might undermine their credibility. Let me offer to start a “parking lot” of topics to address later and tell the speaker, “I wrote down that question; You can keep going.”
Let them say they don’t think a job candidate would be a culture fit. Let me say “I think they’d be a culture add and will bring something new to our team that will help us meet our goals.”
Consider how you can apply the Let Them Theory to create a better workplace. And send me your ideas. I’d love to hear from you.
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2. Acknowledge traumatic eventsEarlier this week, the U.S. Supreme Court paused a previous ruling that prevented federal agents from making immigration stops without reasonable suspicion. In practice, this means I.C.E. agents can target people based on their appearance, language, occupation, or for being at a location where undocumented immigrants might gather. Source SCOTUSblog
For many, this decision feels deeply personal. Your coworkers may be worried about their own safety, or about family, friends, and communities impacted by immigration enforcement.
As I’ve shared in past newsletters, moments like this call for allyship at work. Take Michelle MiJung Kim’s advice: Acknowledge what’s happening, let people know you’ve been paying attention, and offer your support.
Even a simple, “I saw the news — I’m thinking of you and here if you need anything,” can help colleagues feel less alone.
3. Guys: Take your full parental leaveIn From intention to impact: 3 ways men in leadership can build equitable workplaces that work for everyone, Lisa Kaplowitz, Colleen Tolan, and Olivia Foster-Gimbel summarized their survey findings of managers about gender equity.
One of the gaps Kaplowitz et al. identified was related to men taking parental leave. Most of the women surveyed considered it vital to gender equity, but many men didn’t see the connection.
The article cites research that shows paternity leave is a powerful driver of gender equity: It normalizes men as caregivers, supports women’s workforce participation, reduces sexist attitudes, and even helps close wage gaps.
Yet many men cut their leave short — often returning within a week — because of fear of judgment, career setbacks, or stereotypes about masculinity. This mismatch between what men believe privately and what they think other men expect perpetuates the stigma.
The more openly men take parental leave, the more they contribute to shifting workplace culture toward equity for all parents.
4. Respect religious holidaysNate Shalev recently shared how stressful it can feel to ask for time off to observe Jewish holidays. Too often, employees wonder: Will my manager even know what these holidays are? Will they judge me for observing them?
No one should feel like their identity is a liability at work. As better allies, we can make this easier — and it doesn’t take much.
Here are three ways to support colleagues during any religious holiday not covered by standard company calendars:
- Don’t schedule mandatory meetings or events during major holidays.
- Proactively send a note to your team affirming it’s okay to shift schedules or take time off to observe.
- Advocate for floating holidays so everyone can take time for what matters to them.
Shalev also pointed out the upcoming Jewish holidays to keep in mind, with a note that they start at sundown:
- Rosh Hashanah: September 22- 24
- Yom Kippur: October 1–2
- Sukkot: Week-long holiday from Oct 6–13, but most will only take off work on the first two days and the last day
- Simchat Torah: Oct 14–15
5. Community Spotlight: Speak Up for Clarity and Inclusion in “Tractor Language”This week’s spotlight on an ally action from the Better Allies community comes to you from a subscriber who works in the tractor industry. They wrote,
“In the world of tractors, we speak a language all our own — full of technical terms, acronyms, and shorthand that help us move fast and stay efficient. But sometimes, even the most common abbreviations deserve a second look.
Recently, I made a conscious decision to step outside my comfort zone and request that the word ‘transmission’ not be abbreviated as ‘trans’ in printed communications. While this shorthand is widely used in our industry, I recognized that it can unintentionally carry meanings beyond our technical context — meanings that affect real people in our broader community.
This change wasn’t about me. It was about being mindful of how our words land with others. As someone who values inclusion and allyship, I believe we all have a role to play in creating a workplace where everyone feels seen, respected, and safe. Sometimes, that starts with something as simple as spelling out a word.
Language matters. And when we choose words that reflect both our technical precision and our human values, we build a stronger, more inclusive culture — one shift, one sentence at a time.”
🙏 Thank you.
If you’ve taken a step towards being a better ally, please reply to this email and tell me about it. And let me know if I can quote you, either by name or credit you anonymously, in an upcoming newsletter.
That’s all for this week. I wish you strength and safety as we all move forward.
Karen Catlin (she/her), Author of the Better Allies® book series
pronounced KAIR-en KAT-lin, click to hear my name
Copyright © 2025 Karen Catlin. All rights reserved.
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♦♦Let Them/Let Me, and Other Actions for Allies was originally published in Code Like A Girl on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.