Because in between deadlines and debug logs, we’re all just trying to feel okay.♦Image made using CanvaThis is not a rant.
This is a look into the beautiful chaos that many of us navigate.
On my way to the office, which usually takes about 45 minutes, I’m always looking for ways to keep myself entertained. Most days, it’s music or a scroll through videos and reels until I finally reach my stop. Luckily, I only make this commute twice a week, which helps keep me somewhat sane.
Today felt different. I was already frustrated at the thought of leaving home at eight and starting my usual routine. That quiet resistance crept in, the kind that even makes your coffee taste weaker.
I didn’t want to fall into the Instagram reels rabbit hole again, because I knew where that would end: a temporary high, followed by a dopamine crash and a cranky rest of the day.
So instead, I tried something different. I started browsing audiobooks — something light, something distracting, but just enough to keep my brain feeling like it’s being fed instead of fried.
I opened the app and started scrolling through the usual avalanche of audiobook suggestions.
One title immediately stood out to me: At Your Best by Carey Nieuwhof. What grabbed me was this one line from the book’s intro:
“How to Get Time, Energy, and Priorities Working in Your Favor”
And just like that, it hit me — this was exactly what had been quietly bothering me for a while.
Lately, I’ve been wrestling with questions I can’t quite shake:
How do I not feel completely drained at the end of the day, and still feel like I accomplished something meaningful?
How do I stop living for Friday nights and start enjoying a random Tuesday morning?
How do I come to terms with a busy but stable corporate life without constantly feeling like time is slipping by without anything truly “significant” happening?
I’m a senior software developer in my 30s, and most days at work aren’t about writing fancy new features — they’re about understanding the problem and wrestling with bugs that don’t want to be found.
As many of you probably relate, debugging is both deeply satisfying and incredibly draining.
You might spend hours chasing a sneaky issue, and when you finally crack it, it’s not headline-worthy, but it feels like you won a quiet, private battle. That tiny triumph is enough to keep you going.
So, about these questions earlier, it’s not that I’m unhappy. I have a good life, supportive people around me, and a routine that, on paper, works.
But maybe that’s exactly when these questions sneak in, when everything is just fine, you are living a monotonous life, nothing particularly there to worry about when you’re checking the boxes, but still wondering, “Is there more?”
And as most of us are living in this loop — work, eat, sleep, code, maybe stretch if we’re lucky — the real question becomes:
How do you make peace with the loop without losing yourself in it?
Maybe I experience feelings like the mix of passion, fatigue, and future-anxiety, which is such a real part of the developer experience, especially in your 30s when the shine of “cool tech” gives way to fundamental questions about sustainability.
The truth is, I like what I do. It pays well, challenges me, and honestly, I have no significant complaints, until I start thinking about the future. Because tech, as exciting as it is, doesn’t really let you rest.
It’s a treadmill that speeds up the moment you pause. New tools, frameworks, languages, patterns — there’s always something you “should” be learning.
And then there’s the daily doomsday scroll: AI is here. It’s coming for your job. Better learn faster. It’s exhausting. Part of me wants to double down and start learning every shiny new thing out there just in case.
But another part wonders — what’s the point if there’s no finish line? If keeping up means constantly sacrificing evenings, weekends, and moments that belong to me, is that really worth it?
Most of us are tired. Not just physically, but existentially tired.
We’re constantly in motion, but not always in meaning. We rarely do things that nourish us, things that light us up or feel good for the soul.
And that, I think, is why so many of us carry this low hum of restlessness — why even on a ‘normal’ day, we feel a little off, a little unfulfilled.
It feels like we’re always negotiating between two extremes: hustle culture on one side, and YOLO culture on the other. One tells us to chase, optimize, achieve; the other says to live fully now, before it’s too late.
Maybe some people have cracked the code — found a rhythm that works for them, and they’re genuinely happy in it.
But I’m willing to bet the majority of us are stuck somewhere in between. Wanting a slower, more peaceful life, while still holding onto a good job, decent money, and a balanced personal life. We’re not asking for luxury — we’re just hoping for a life that feels like ours.
Some days, I genuinely wish corporate life felt a little more like The Office — not the awkward moments or bizarre fire drills, but you know, the cheerful background music, the casual banter by the coffee machine, and the weirdly comforting chaos of Dunder Mifflin.
Imagine debugging production issues while an uplifting jingle plays in the background and someone walks in with cupcakes. But no — real life is more like you, hunched over your laptop with three tabs open to Stack Overflow, wondering if caffeine counts as emotional support.
Why You Need More than Just Time — You Need SpaceSo yeah, after spiraling through all my thoughts, questions, and mini existential crises, here’s what the author was basically saying, and I thought it’s worth sharing because it’s the kind of advice that might just help someone else going through the same grind.
What he emphasized was: the importance of margin. Not just in life, but in your calendar — your everyday rhythm.
Margin is what gives us breathing space.
It’s what makes room for us to be a little more kind, a little more patient, a little more productive, and a little more us.
When your calendar isn’t packed to the brim, when you actually have time for yourself, everything starts to feel a little lighter. The chores don’t weigh as much. Work doesn’t feel like a mountain — it becomes a climb with purpose.
Think about it: when you know you have dinner planned with a friend or a quiet solo evening waiting at the other end of the day, even the most hectic work hours feel more bearable. You’ve got something sweet to look forward to — and that alone is enough to keep your spirit afloat.
That’s why we need to keep planting those little candy-coated moments in our busy weeks—small joys, soft pauses—things that remind us we’re not just surviving the week; we’re living it.
Because when you make room for yourself, you start to feel like you’re thriving — not just professionally, but emotionally, physically, even financially.
Life begins to feel a little more whole, a little more beautiful.
So what is our best chance?I know — it’s not always possible. Life can fill up even when we don’t want it to.
But I still believe it’s worth the effort. We have to stay aware. Keep fighting for our time, our peace, and our version of a better life — not just as individuals, but as a society.
If we truly want a meaningful, balanced, and thriving life — where we enjoy our work and feel time enriching us rather than just passing us by — we need to design our days with intention.
And the best shot we have at that, I think, lies in these three simple, non-negotiable routines:
- Mornings for yourself — whether it’s yoga, meditation, a workout, a walk, or just a slow coffee and your own thoughts.
- Work hours with purpose — where you do your job well, solve problems, and feel that small spark of achievement.
- Family and social time — with friends, kids, partners, or just familiar faces at your regular hangout spots.
These three simple routines will take care of your physical, financial, and emotional needs.
If too many of your days are missing even one of these — no matter the order — you’ll probably feel it. The burnout creeps in faster. The frustration builds and you lose to the grind.
But when these pieces are in place, even imperfectly, something shifts. Life starts to feel less like a blur and more like a story you’re actively writing.
As someone once said,
“We should always make time for the things we like. If we don’t, we might forget how to be happy.”
And I think that’s what it really comes down to. Not chasing some grand, flawless life — but simply not forgetting how to be happy. Not forgetting ourselves.
A little space. A little margin. A little joy. That’s what we’re fighting for.
♦Coffee, Code & Craving Balance. was originally published in Code Like A Girl on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.